Quotes & anectdotes from
the wise,
the foolish,
the courageous &
the drunk

sports

A rabid sports fan is one that boos a TV set.

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.

Major sports are major parts of society. It's not anomalous to have people who love sports come from other parts of that society.

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

We should confine booing in sports arenas to sport. I love a good boo as much as the next football fan.

I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.

Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

There is a syndrome in sports called 'paralysis by analysis.'

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Most ball games are lost, not won.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

The plays and sports of children are as salutary to them as labor and work are to grown persons.

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?

Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return to the fine simplicity of our forefathers.

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds.

When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable.

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

I have never seen a wrestling match or a prize fight, and I don't want to. When I find out a man is interested in these sports, I drop him.

Ethnic prejudice has no place in sports, and baseball must recognize that truth if it is to maintain stature as a national game.

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.

Every great batter works on the theory that the pitcher is more afraid of him than he is of the pitcher.

All sports for all people.

Adversity causes some men to break others to break records.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

All sports must be treated on the basis of equality.

Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second.

For truly it is to be noted, that children's plays are not sports, and should be deemed as their most serious actions.

I'm a Hollywood writer, so I put on my sports jacket and take off my brain.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Sports is human life in microcosm.

Sports is the toy department of human life.

One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.

I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures.

I'd just as soon play tennis with the net down.