The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.