Quotes and anectdotes from the wise to the foolish, and the courageous to the drunk
W. C. Fields Comedian
Gender: Male
Citizenship: United States
Born: Jan 29, 1880
Died: Dec 25, 1946
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields's comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children.
His career in show business began in vaudeville, where he attained international success as a silent juggler. He gradually incorporated comedy into his act, and was a featured comedian in the Ziegfeld Follies for several years. He became a star in the Broadway musical comedy Poppy, in which he played a colorful small-time con man. His subsequent stage and film roles were often similar scoundrels, or else henpecked everyman characters.
Among his recognizable trademarks were his raspy drawl and grandiloquent vocabulary. The characterization he portrayed in films and on radio was so strong it was generally identified with Fields himself. It was maintained by the publicity departments at Fields's studios and was further established by Robert Lewis Taylor's biography, W.C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
death
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
funny
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
success
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
food & funny
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
money
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
food
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
equality
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
time
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
trust
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
women
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
money
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
experience & life
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
home & New Year's Day
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
politics
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
family, men & women
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
great
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
food & travel
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
best
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
women