Quotes and anectdotes from the wise to the foolish, and the courageous to the drunk
Groucho Marx Comedian
Gender: Male
Citizenship: United States
Born: Oct 2, 1890
Died: Aug 19, 1977
Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx was an American comedian and film and television star. He was known as a master of quick wit and widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era. His rapid-fire, often impromptu delivery of innuendo-laden patter earned him many admirers and imitators.
He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. He also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game show You Bet Your Life.
His distinctive appearance, carried over from his days in vaudeville, included quirks such as an exaggerated stooped posture, glasses, cigar, and a thick greasepaint mustache and eyebrows. These exaggerated features resulted in the creation of one of the world's most ubiquitous and recognizable novelty disguises, known as "Groucho glasses": a one-piece mask consisting of horn-rimmed glasses, large plastic nose, bushy eyebrows and mustache.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
medical
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
humor
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
funny
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
time
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
funny
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
time
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
marriage
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
time
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
wedding