Quotes & anectdotes from
the wise,
the foolish,
the courageous &
the drunk

Fred Allen Comedian

  • Gender: Male
  • Citizenship: United States
  • Born: May 31, 1894
  • Died: Mar 17, 1956

Fred Allen was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically pointed radio show made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.

His best-remembered gag was his long-running mock feud with friend and fellow comedian Jack Benny, but it was only part of his appeal; radio historian John Dunning wrote that Allen was radio's most admired comedian and most frequently censored. A master ad libber, Allen often tangled with his network's executives, while developing routines whose style and substance influenced fellow comic talents, including Groucho Marx, Stan Freberg, Henry Morgan and Johnny Carson; his avowed fans also included President Franklin D. Roosevelt, and novelists William Faulkner, John Steinbeck and Herman Wouk.

Fred Allen was honored with stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for contributions to television and radio.

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.