There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. change
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. fitness & health
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. money
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. truth
Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope. love
Men mourn for what they have lost women for what they ain't got. women
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. funny & imagination
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. money
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. forgiveness
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. travel
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. learning & wisdom
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. good
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. experience
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. wisdom
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. best & time
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. best
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. knowledge & money
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. money
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them. family
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. good & life
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. thankful
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. intelligence
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. best
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. truth
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. God, marriage & smile
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. happiness
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. fear
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. wisdom
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. happiness
The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. money
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has. learning & wisdom
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout. best
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. funny & power
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. best
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. hope
I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. age & home
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money. money
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. funny
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. intelligence
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. love & pet
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. funny
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. faith