A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. teacher
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. funny & morning
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Christmas
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. anniversary
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. marriage
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. travel
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. car
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. funny
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. great
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. women
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. money
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. happiness & money
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City? dad
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. medical
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! graduation
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. marriage