The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. marriage
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City? dad
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. medical
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! graduation
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. happiness & money
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. anniversary
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. funny & morning
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. marriage
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. car
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. teacher
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. money
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. women
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Christmas
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. travel
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. funny
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. great